Intimidated
by aphelant
Summary: Set around 'Crush', what I think was really going on in Buffy and Spike's minds.


**A/N: This was inspired by the Alanis Morisette song 'Uninvited' from the _City of Angels_ soundtrack. Complete lyrics posted at the end.**

__

Like anyone would be   
I am flattered by your fascination with me 

He's staring again. I can see him out of the corner of my eye. Leaning against the counter, listening to me tell Mom about the gross demon we slayed tonight. He looks almost human. Normal.

It makes me miss Riley - a little. In the way a woman misses the company of a man. Because our relationship was over long before he left. Maybe that's why I've been wanting to spend time with Spike. I'm lonely.

Not as lonely as him, though. He spends more and more time with my family and friends. At the magic shop, the Bronze, my own home. I've seen him outside at the tree, smoking, watching for me to come out for patrol.

I don't mind, really. As long as he doesn't make a nuisance of himself. I mean, it is nice that he's around to help Dawn with her homework, talk to Mom about her day. Patrol for me when I'm too tired to do it myself.

It's nice to know that he'd do anything for me.

__

Like any hot blooded woman   
I have simply wanted an object to crave

He left his duster at the front door, said it was rude to wear it when visiting a lady like my mom. So instead I get a view of his sculpted body; his shoulders, biceps, abs. But I'm not looking. Really I'm not.

He graciously accepts the hot cocoa she makes him. Tries to add the mini-marshmallows without me noticing. But I do.

I still don't get why he eats. Angel never ate, and as far as I can tell, vampires have no reason to. I wonder if they even digest? I should ask him about it sometime.

Mom's tired, I can tell. Spike can, too. Says he'll finish up his drink and then head out. She insists he doesn't have to. Maybe I have something to talk with him about? They're both looking at me, now.

"Oh, uh, not really. Unless you want to talk about something?"

"Who, me? Oh, no, no. Just came in for the cuppa and to see how Joyce has been."

She smiles warmly at him, the way she smiles at Tara. Like she accepts him even if he doesn't quite fit. Like she loves him all the same. It's the way she sometimes smiles at me, especially since Riley left.

But you, you're not allowed   
You're uninvited   
An unfortunate slight 

But _I_ can't accept him. He's a vampire. And I can't forget that.

Not yet.

****

Must be strangely exciting To watch the stoic squirm 

That woman has no idea what she does to me. Wearing those little tops and those tight pants she meets me for patrol, and I have to force myself to think of cold showers and Teletubbies so I don't do something I'll regret.

Like kiss her. I quite fancy myself remaining undusty, so I'll keep away from her. For now.

But you, you're not allowed 

Somewhere between our rendezvous point and my crypt, we get jumped by a couple vamps. Nothing she can't handle, of course, so I watch. She wields her stake with such grace, such confidence, that it shocks me out of my little Buffy daydream.

As they blow away on the wind, she turns to me, a little breathless, a little rumpled, and absolutely stunning.

But she's the Slayer. And completely out of my league.

An unfortunate slight 

****

I need to talk to him. To tell him that I need space. So I go to his crypt - it's the middle of the day, he'll be there.

He's not upstairs, but then he wouldn't be, he'd be sleeping. I'm not sure if I should go down there, especially considering that every time he's near I want to run my hands all over his body, but that's exactly why I need to talk to him.

I'll just wake him up, tell him I don't need him to patrol with me for awhile, that I've got things under control. It's not a total lie, and he'll probably see through it, but I need to stay away from him. I need to figure out what these feelings are.

But he's not in the basement. It's empty. Except for this mannequin that looks like me and pictures and drawings of me.

He's got a Buffy shrine.

Like any uncharted territory   
I must seem greatly intriguing

****

Ah, here they are, my two loves. My dark princess and my queen of light.

They're spewing harsh words of hatred and loathing, Dru's of my love for the Slayer that defies my entire nature, and Buffy's insisting that I am incapable of love.

Because I don't have a soul, they both believe me unworthy of their love.

You speak of my love like   
You have experienced love like mine before

Fancy that.

****

He's standing there just across the threshold, and I can see the uncertainty in his eyes. But I did the right thing.

He's out of control, always has been. And he proved it when he kidnapped me. Threatened to feed me to Druscilla. It - it scared me.

So I know this is right.

You're uninvited

Now he gets it. Pain, anger, acceptance, self-loathing. One step forward, ten steps back.

An unfortunate slight

I thought I needed time. Space. But now I know what it is I need.

I don't think you unworthy 

A vampire exorcism.

I need a moment to deliberate 

****

FINIS

Uninvited

__

Like anyone would be   
I am flattered by your fascination with me   
Like any hot blooded woman   
I have simply wanted an object to crave   
But you, you're not allowed   
You're uninvited   
An unfortunate slight 

Must be strangely exciting   
To watch the stoic squirm   
Must be somewhat heartening   
To watch shepherd meet shepherd   
But you, you're not allowed   
You're uninvited   
An unfortunate slight 

Like any uncharted territory   
I must seem greatly intriguing   
You speak of my love like   
You have experienced love like mine before   
But this is not allowed   
You're uninvited   
An unfortunate slight 

I don't think you unworthy   
I need a moment to deliberate

*Alanis Morisette - 'City of Angels' Soundtrack*


End file.
